are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
