oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
