I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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