so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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