You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
