She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
