her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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