I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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