I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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