if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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