Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
