I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
