So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize