My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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