So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
