He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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