ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
