Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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