A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Houston, we have a squirter
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will be naked everywhere
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
