I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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