You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
