I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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