I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
