I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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