During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
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Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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