I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
