so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
vagina is talking i cant
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
