i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
