I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
