Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
