Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
