He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
