I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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