Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
