is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
