new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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