And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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