so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
