All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
