I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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