I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
