Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
