worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
