If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Your penis caused this!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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