the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
