I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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