FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
