just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
