I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
