508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
