and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize