I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
