Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
