we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
