walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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