You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
