Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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