I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
A+ Viking dick
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
