There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I touched a dick in church today
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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