Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
