So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We left the knife in your bed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
