"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
