I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
