I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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