nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
