Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
