dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
