did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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